


There’s a niche in his chest where a heart would fit perfectly

by whitchry9



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [7]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Blood, First Aid, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Stabbing, did you know that an open pneumo is the best pneumo, local fool makes jokes while impaled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 15:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19360165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9/pseuds/whitchry9
Summary: Klaus has been stabbed before, but never quite so... thoroughly.





	There’s a niche in his chest where a heart would fit perfectly

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: impaled chest
> 
> Title is from the poem Road Music by Richard Siken.

Klaus has had some pretty horrific injuries in his life. The broken jaw that had to be wired shut. The torture inflicted by Hazel and Cha Cha. That one time in Vietnam where he got shrapnel in his thigh that ended up getting infected.

 

But, as he considered the sword that was currently in his chest, he thought that this one had to be the worst.

 

He’d been stabbed before, he recalled as he began his slow motion fall to the ground. With Diego as a brother, they’d all been stabbed before, when Diego was still working out his powers, and some of them even later, usually for being a dick. (Luther.)

But Diego’s knives, for all that they were dangerous and extremely sharp, were short. There was no way they could pierce through a grown man’s chest.

 

But Klaus could see the sword sticking out of him, the tip of it maybe an inch out of his chest. It wasn’t particularly wide, by any means, not that Klaus knew standards of swords.

 

He wondered if he’d be coming back from this one, as he hit the ground and got lost in the pain.

 

 

He inhaled sharply as someone slapped him, which instantly reminded him there was a fucking sword in his chest. Jesus who thought that was necessary.

 

He opened his eyes to glare at whoever it was to find Luther towering over him. Klaus was sprawled on his side, the sword preventing him from lying on his front or his back.

“What the fuck Luther?” Klaus hissed.

“You have a sword in you! Excuse me for panicking!”

Now that he considered it, Luther did look like a mess. Frazzled, Klaus would describe him as.

 

Which was great. All he wanted to do was to bleed to death with Luther panicking over him.

 

Thankfully, that was the instant Five appeared.

“Five, look!” Klaus said. “I’ve been impaled.”

Five just rolled his eyes. “Move,” he ordered Luther.

Luther obediently shuffled aside.

“We need to stabilize the sword so that it doesn’t move and cause further damage. I’ll need gauze and tape. If you can’t find gauze, just find any clean fabric. I’ve already called an ambulance.”

“But Mom-”

“Isn’t a cardiothoracic surgeon. Klaus will need surgery. Go,” he ordered.

“You’re very competent,” Klaus admired.

“Someone in this family has to be,” Five told him.

Klaus would have giggled at that, but it hurt to even smile, which made no sense.

 

Luther reappeared, a first aid kit in his hand. That was fast.

Five had removed Klaus’s shirt at some point, which he had missed apparently. Aw, he loved that shirt.

 

“Shouldn’t we remove the sword?” Luther asked, watching Five grab gauze and tape from the first aid kit.

“God no. That will just let the vessels bleed freely. Right now, the sword might be preventing some of the bleeding. Hold this,” he ordered, and Luther reached for Klaus’s chest to hold down some sort of gauze pile that Five had made. He brushed against the sword as he took over Five’s hand position, and Klaus lost a bit of time.

 

 

“Klaus, are you having trouble breathing?”

Klaus blinked.

Five was looking at him patiently. Which was… weird. His chest had been taped on the front and back, which he’d definitely missed.

“There’s a sword in my lung,” he said instead.

Five rolled his eyes. “Yes, duh. But are you having a hard time breathing? Does it hurt? Are you unable to catch your breath?”

 

“Maybe?” He’d been actively trying to not cause pain when breathing, which meant he was taking shallow breaths that didn’t make his chest move very much. The breathing thing might be better if he filled his lungs up, but even thinking about that made him ache.

“You probably have a pneumothorax. Collapsed lung,” he added a second later. “But don’t worry too much. An open pneumo is the best kind to have.”

How reassuring.

Five reached for Klaus’s neck with a bloody hand and felt his throat. Now he was going to have blood stains there, wasn’t he? That was just typical. First his shirt…

 

“Should I go meet the ambulance?”

Klaus felt Luther say that as much as he heard him. “Is he right behind me?” Klaus hissed.

“Yeah, he’s keeping you still without putting pressure on the wounds. Don’t worry about it,” he told Klaus. To Luther, he said “No, I don’t want you moving him. Plus the front door is wide open and there’s literally a trail of blood to us. If they can’t find us with that, I really don’t want them to be the ones treating Klaus. I’d much rather just teleport us directly to the hospital.”

“Why didn’t you?” Klaus mumbled. The pain was getting to be too much. Or maybe it was the blood loss. Or the lack of oxygen. So many choices.

“Because believe it or not, paramedics are uniquely equipped to move injured people. They can give you fluids, oxygen, and pain meds, and can immobilize you without having to worry if your spine has been severed by the sword that’s sticking out of you.”

Klaus frowned. He tried to wiggle his toes. “Are they moving?”

“Are what moving?”

Oh yeah he hadn’t mentioned that.

“My toes.

Five checked. “Yes, but still. If I teleported you, the sword could shift, and instead of sitting next to your spine, could just slice it in two. I’d rather not be the cause of that.”

“Kind,” Klaus agreed.

“Well, you’d never let me forget it.”

Klaus grinned, and his next shallow pant got caught in his throat, along with something that he strongly suspected was blood. In a panicked attempt to clear his throat, he coughed, his chest spasming with the effort.

 

The last thing he saw, as someone rang the doorbell in a nearby room and it echoed throughout the house, was the mist of blood on Five’s face as Klaus passed out.

 

**Author's Note:**

> He's fine, btw.


End file.
